In my last post I talked about having patience with myself and my fear that I’ll lose that patience and revert back to my old, self-sabotaging ways. In this post I’m going to talk about something that’s at least as scary to me, if not more – sabotage by people I care about.
The truth is that there are a lot of people in my life who are either overweight and don’t want to do the work to change it (and who does? I’d rather it just fall off and evaporate in my sleep, but ain’t gonna happen, y’all) or who don’t have a problem with weight and can’t understand why I’m so worried about it because, as they say, “You look FINE!” (Oh, good. FINE is exactly what I was going for!) Both of these categories of people are very good at being food “pushers” and I have yet to find a way to get them to shut the F#@% up without losing my cool or giving in. I actually have anxiety about visiting certain people in my immediate circle because of this.
Well, I got this article in my inbox recently and it helped…some. It helped me with people like coworkers because even though I like them very much, I am not as invested in their reactions. I still, however, feel some anxiety about loved ones. Here is a short list of the sorts of conversations I dread:
- Would you like something to eat/some cake/ some chips, some more? (Sometimes a simple, “no, thank you,” will do, but sometimes they push and it goes into the next on the list)
- Are you dieting? (Oh dear Lord I hate that question.) This goes back to, “Why? You look FINE!” *eye roll*
- You deserve a treat now and then. (This comment says that they either don’t know about the slippery slope an unplanned treat can be or they do and it’s all part of their diabolical plan to feel better by sabotaging me.)
I also dislike it when someone fills my plate for me at a family dinner or just says, “It’s really just about portion control.” Um, no it’s not, but thanks for playing. A small portion of calorie-laden food on a plate with four other “portions” of calorie-laden food = weight gain. Calories in/calories out is what it boils down to and if EVERYTHING on the plate has butter, fat or cream in it, I’m eating at least half of my daily goal in one sitting.
I have some strong feelings about this, apparently. I think I’m just going to have to practice saying, “No, thank you,” and then lying with things like, “I ate a big breakfast/lunch,” or, “I’m full from the meal,” or, “I’m just not in the mood for that.” The last one will come closest to being the truth, so I may go with that one. Oh, and I think I’ll have to plan ahead when I know we’ll be visiting family that is prone to this sort of “food pushing” so that I won’t be tempted by the tasty treats they have to offer. I can either keep a light, but filling snack in my purse or make sure I’ve run and banked some calories in advance.
While I would love to lay all the blame on others, I do know that a large portion of that blame is mine. I’m a “pleaser” – I like to keep the peace and make others happy. Actually, that’s changing or I wouldn’t be trying to come up with tactics to avoid caving in to make others more comfortable at my expense. I guess I can be thankful for that and know that with practice, it will become easier to politely decline whenever someone tries to sabotage my efforts at self care – whether they’re aware of what they’re doing or not.
On that note, I bid you good-night.
Run on, y’all!